Why do we feel angry, impatient, or let down by other people?
We've all experienced it. Other people can appear unkind, annoying, unreliable, careless, and hurtful.
While harsh or hurtful behavior is never acceptable, many times, the actual issue isn't with the other person. It often has to do with what we expect from the other person.
Our expectations of others frequently bring on our own challenges and frustrations.
How can we deal with these expectations so that we can live more serenely, be less impulsive, and have greater compassion for others?
No Expectations
This weekend, our two oldest grandkids spent the day at our house. Our grandson, E is almost nine, and his younger sister C, will turn six in a few weeks.
It is just enough of an age difference to cause him some frustration when they are playing. "She won't do this," "she doesn't do that," and "she's not playing right" are all things he expresses.
They were playing a game, and right away, she wasn't doing what he wanted. I decided we'd try something different.
I challenged everyone, including my wife and me, to drop expectations for a day. To have no expectations for what should or shouldn't happen. No expectations of what others should or shouldn't do.
Surprisingly, my grandson thought that sounded fun and embraced the idea wholeheartedly.
He and his sister played a made-up game, rolling a ball. Suddenly, whatever happened was fun because there was no right way for things to go.
The rest of the day went that way, with few things going as planned. With a few reminders throughout the day, we all embraced the approach of no expectations for how it was 'supposed' to go.
We had a splendid day all around.
Now do I think E will never get frustrated with C again? Not a chance. I believe he got a taste for the value of dropping expectations, which will serve him well throughout his life.
🌀 Reflection:
🌱 What can you drop in the 'shoulds' and 'have to' things in your life?
🌱 How would your day(s) be different if you dropped all expectations?
🌀 Can you articulate your Ikigai in a single sentence?
Having an Ikiverse clarifies how to live out your Ikigai.
✅ Being able to state it invites others to support you in your Ikiquest.
You can learn more about Ikiquest+ here. Check it out!
Great example, David, and it leads to many thoughts. One thought is it sounds like the key here is to set expectations wisely. For example, loosening the grip on how a game should be played can lead to laughter and discoveries. But lowering our expectations on how we treat each other may lead to rudeness or disrespect.
Thank you David. I have moments when I do expect someone to act a certain way or I find myself thinking "why did they do that?" and then I'm the one frustrated, hurt, or upset. I've also had moments when I don't have a single expectation and I see how fun it is. I'm aware now it's with certain people. Hmm...interesting.
I truly appreciate this reflection today.