Marlow's Musings 12/31/23

Insights, adventures and fun stuff from this week.

Audio narration by David Marlow

Oahu ‘86 David Marlow ©2023

The Gunnery Sergeant stood quietly in front of the classroom as we waited for him to announce our fates.

A year of the most rigorous and intense technical training in the United States military was behind us. All that was left was to receive our ‘orders’ as to where we’d go for our permanent duty station.

There was little surprise in store for me. My training was in electronic countermeasures, and most Marines trained in that specialty were assigned to Cherry Point, North Carolina.

As the Honor Man, finishing first in my class, mine would be the last name read.

“Marlow,” the Gunny barked.

I stood and came to attention.

“You’re going to Cherry Point for I-level training and then to,” he said, pausing as he flipped the page, “Kaneohe Marine Corps Air Station, Hawaii, for permanent duty.”

“Are you kidding?” I asked, falling forward, hands flat on the table in front of me.

The Gunny, a Vietnam combat veteran, shot me a look of disapproval and said, “Corporal Marlow, I don’t, kid.”

What are you going to tell your wife?

Even though I had been in the service for a year, being stationed in Hawaii would mark the first time we were more than driving distance away from family and friends.

My wife had moved all over the country growing up. Her dad worked for the government and was transferred frequently. All those moves had been made WITH her parents. Now, we had a baby with health problems, and she was going to be thousands of miles away from the only support she’d ever known.

I called immediately to break the news using the rotary dial payphone in the hallway. My fellow Marines stood close by, waiting to hear how the call went.

“We got our orders, and just like we thought, training will be in North Carolina. The permanent duty station is different. I’m assigned to Kaneohe Bay in Hawaii.”

To my relief, she was thrilled at the idea.

Growing up in Indiana, cornfields and basketball courts surrounded me; my first time on a jet had been only a year before to go to Marine Corps Boot Camp.

Living in Hawaii was like being transported to another world, a literal paradise.

It was also challenging; I was a young Marine with a wife and son to support. While truly a paradise, the cost of living in Hawaii was way above my military salary.

We embraced it as an adventure and were determined to get everything out of the experience we could.

The beach didn't cost any money. We spent a great deal of our time on the North Shore, where the world's best surfers would compete.

You could tell the experienced surfers from the novices like me. They were the ones who were connecting with the flow. They didn't fight or force it; they waited for the right moment and the right wave.

Occasionally, they'd start to ride a wave, realize it wasn't the right one, and jump off to reset for the next wave.  

Jon Kabat-Zinn connected this metaphor to life by saying, "You can't stop the waves, but you can learn to surf."

Too often, we are like the inexperienced surfers who try to force it, riding a wave that isn't for them. They typically wipe out.

Nothing symbolizes human futility more than pushing against the ocean's waves.

Finding peace in the middle of the chaos, like the surfers, was the perfect metaphor for our time in paradise.

The Christian Bible describes marriage as two people leaving father and mother and becoming one flesh or one person. The biggest blessing of our time in Hawaii was by sheer force of circumstance and will, we grew closer as a couple than we had ever been before.

Being thousands of miles away allowed us to operate without family pressures, judgment, or help and our son’s health turned around as well. Something about all that sunshine and salt air made everything better.

Maybe because we arrived on Oahu in January and left in January, a new year prompts me to reminisce.

It was an unexpected blessing at a time when I desperately needed one. Beyond living in paradise, it was a turning point in my spiritual walk, my marriage, and through a series of unbelievable and, dare I say, miraculous events, my post-military career.

People often ask how long we lived there; my answer is the three shortest years of my life.

Word of the Week

Pulchritudinous (adj.)

pul·chri·tu·di·nous

/pəlkrəˈto͞odənəs/

1: Beautiful, fine, or graceful in any way,

2: Beauty as expressed in a person or object.

First use 1877, American English, from pulchritude (from Latin pulchritudo "beauty," genitive pulchritudinis) + -ous.

There is beauty in everyone and every season. As one year ends and another begins, let’s keep a watchful eye for the pulchritudinous all around us. In the people, places, and events of the coming year.

In case you missed it…

Earlier this week’s Ikigai Thought for Today was on Being Seen—a wonderful poem by Gideon Heugh from his marvelous book Rumours of Light.

Ikigai Thought for Today: Being Seen

Ikiquest+

I shared the mythic tale of the classic teddy bear I gave to my new grandson on his first Christmas. I shared the Legend of Amicus Custos only with subscribers; there was no public post.

Then in this week’s slighty different Coffee Contemplation, I revealed even more of the backstory, family history, entirety of the bear name, and more to Ikiquest+ subscribers.

You can check that out here, and if you aren’t a plus subscriber, take advantage of a free trial and check out the full story.

Coffee Contemplation: A Legendary Tale

Comment of the Week:

This week’s comment is from Sue about Being Seen…

I love the way poetry opens up the spaces where we otherwise might not go. 🌿

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Good things happen when we genuinely connect with another human being. We uncover a bit about another person, and they uncover a bit about themselves.

In this uncovering, we help each other reveal our Ikigai, our purpose, and our calling.

If we are lucky, we uncover a bit about ourselves along the way.

Poetry helps open up those spaces to exploration.

I see you, Sue, and appreciate all that you bring to the conversation, including my introduction to Gideon’s marvelous poetry.

Quote I’m Pondering

This thought from C.S. Lewis resonated with me…

“Even in social life, you will never make a good impression on other people until you stop thinking about what sort of impression you are making. Even in literature and art, no man who bothers about originality will ever be original: whereas if you simply try to tell the truth (without caring…how often it has been told before) you will, nine times out of ten, become original without ever having noticed it.”

Interesting Thing I Saw This Week

Morgan Housel has compiled a list of 100 Little Things that he calls “ideas, in no particular order and from different fields that help explain how the world works.”

Here’s a sampling:

System Justification Theory: Inefficient systems will be defended and maintained if they serve the needs of people who benefit from them – individual incentives can sustain systemic stupidity.

Baader-Meinhof Phenomenon: Noticing an idea everywhere you look as soon as it’s brought to your attention in a way that makes you overestimate its prevalence.

Fredkin’s Paradox: Confronted with two equally good options, you struggle to decide, even though your decision doesn’t matter because both options are equally good. The more equal the options, the harder the decision.

Final Thoughts

We are like islands in the sea, separate on the surface but connected in the deep.

William James

During our time in Hawaii, we lived on Oahu, and we visited the other Hawaiian islands.

Each one is unique in its own way. It is easy to see they are connected culturally and historically. What is not as easy to see is their physical connection. Above the surface, they are individual islands; below they are part of the same volcanic eruptions on the ocean floor.

Like the Hawaiian Islands, we are all separate and distinct people separated on the surface but connected in the deep.

Quest well