Marlow's Musings 8/20/23
Insights, adventures and fun stuff from this week.
Audio narration by David Marlow
Of Endings and Beginnings
One wonders how you can hold the feelings of happiness and sadness at the same time. August has had many such moments for me these past many years.
A weird amalgam of merriment and melancholy, joy and sorrow, loss and gain, endings and beginnings.
The most recent was this past weekend. The Wisconsin State Fair ended, and with it, summer for most. School starts soon.
It also marks the end of an almost nine-year journey for my wife and me.
Nine years ago, we thought we were becoming empty nesters for the first time since our first child was born.
My daughter, our youngest, was away at school and in her final year. She’d be home only briefly in the summer before getting married and moving to Chicago for Law School.
Instead, our daughter-in-law threw us a curveball that became one of the greatest gifts I’ve ever been given.
We found out our first grandchild was on the way, and Caitlin asked if we’d be willing to watch him three days a week when she returned to work.
There was a commercial a while back where a guy retires and finally has the means to buy his dream car, a vintage Datsun 280Z.
Unexpectedly his son gets a job transfer, and his granddaughter comes to live with him to finish high school.
Though he loved his granddaughter, her presence disrupted his plans and finances.
Over time the joy of having his granddaughter helps him forget his initial frustration, and at the end of the commercial, he hands her keys to a new car.
“Wait…Grandpa, what about your dream car?”
This is my dream now, he says, handing her the keys.
Mine was a similar journey, minus the dream car.
First came E, who stayed with us, and then his sister C. Last year for a while, we added granddaughter number two, our daughter and son-in-law’s first baby, S, to the mix.
Pouring love into them became my dream.
And now, as the state fair ends, summer ends, and so does this chapter of that dream.
Both of the older kids will be in school full-time. They won’t be staying with us regularly.
As I mentioned in the opening sentence, one wonders how you can hold feelings of happiness and sadness at the same time.
I wrote that in my journal the day after my daughter’s wedding, which also happened in August.
My corporate career ended in August with an early retirement.
Over and over again, August seems to be a mix of sad endings and hopeful beginnings.
I’m looking forward to more time to write and get some things done around the house. It will be nice not to be stepping on Lego pieces left after a day of play.
At the same time, I have barely been able to write this, thinking of not having them here as often.
I’m also excited about our daughter’s baby number two, who is arriving…in August!
Solomon said, “To everything, there is a season and a time to every purpose under the heaven.”
This season is passing, and a new one is beginning.
“Our life is a short time in expectation, a time in which
sadness and joy kiss each other at every moment.”
Henri Nouwen
Now is such a time for me.
Word of the Week
hiraeth (n.)
hēre·rīeth
Hiraeth is a sublime Welsh word that doesn’t easily translate into English. It encapsulates a feeling of deep longing, a yearning for a home, or a sense of belonging that may no longer exist or is lost.
It’s a nostalgic emotion that goes beyond mere homesickness, reaching into the depths of our hearts and connecting with a place, a time, or a piece of ourselves that we hold dear, even if it’s elusive or no longer accessible.
Derived from hir ‘long’ the word is roughly equivalent to English’ longing’. In some etymologies, it is hir ‘long’ + aeth’ pain, grief, sorrow, a longing.
There is still that place in you, “where you have never been wounded, where there is still a sureness in you, where there’s a seamlessness in you, and where there is a confidence and tranquility in you.”
That is the invocation of hiraeth. Yearning to answer the three questions…
Who am I? 🌀
Why am I here? 🌀
What should I do? 🌀
Exploring hiraeth offers a remarkable opportunity to answer those questions.
It is a journey of self-discovery to peel back the layers and uncover our being.
A quest to reawaken the passions and dreams that were once as normal a part of us as breathing.
In case you missed it…
As part of the Ikigai Lexicon, I’m sharing posts about the 47 Big Bold Beautiful Benefits of Ikigai.
Here is the latest. Why Autonomy Matters and 5 Clear Signs It’s Missing in Your Work.
🌀 On Linkedin, I shared the connection and importance of filling our heads with good things. Less News and More Muse.
And how best to start new Habits.
Starting a habit doesn’t take a lot of time. It takes a lot of times. ✅
🌱 It’s not a change if you can’t sustain!
🌱 If we can’t sustain, we can’t keep the gain.
Ikiquest+
This week in Ikiquest+…
The ‘Coffee Meditations’ continue!
I created these for Plus subscribers this week.
Cheers!
This might be one of the most challenging reflections I’ve created. It is one I grapple with myself.
Each time I read these stories, I get something new. Even as I was writing this, new insights and ideas came to me.
Quote I’m Pondering
The difference between passion and addiction is that between a divine spark and a flame that incinerates. Passion is divine fire: it enlivens and makes holy; it gives light and yields inspiration. Passion is generous because it’s not ego-driven; addiction is self-centred.
Passion gives and enriches; addiction is a thief. Passion is a source of truth and enlightenment; addictive behaviours lead you into darkness. You’re more alive when you are passionate, and you triumph whether or not you attain your goal.
But an addiction requires a specific outcome that feeds the ego; without that outcome, the ego feels empty and deprived. A consuming passion that you are helpless to resist, no matter what the consequences, is an addiction.
You may even devote your entire life to a passion, but if it’s truly a passion and not an addiction, you’ll do so with freedom, joy and a full assertion of your truest self and values.
Gabor Maté, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts: Close Encounters with Addiction
Comment of the Week:
Two comments from new Ikiquest+ subscribers gave me a boost of encouragement.
The first is from E.S., a new paid subscriber from Australia!
Firstly, I wanted to thank you for all that you do, for introducing me to Ikigai, Ikiquest etc. Secondly, I support you because you are my daily dose of gratitude, self -improvement and discovery. God bless you and all you come in contact with.
Cheers
E.S.
The second is from Paul, the first Founder subscriber!
Hi David. Absolutely enjoy your daily posts. All best wishes to you and the family! Keep writing and running.
Fun Thing I Saw This Week
Frequent readers know I believe that Questions are the Answer.
If you can ask yourself questions, you can uncover your Ikigai/purpose, even if you have no idea what you are called to do today.
As a dedicated questionologist, I’m always on the lookout for new questions.
Alex Guzey has put together an interesting list of 149. Like any such list, some are better than others. It is worth a look, especially if you are trying to build your questionologist muscle.
Speaking of questions, Amanda Stern and I had a fabulous conversation on that very topic.
Amanda is a master of the art of journaling. We explore the value of questions in journaling, the Ikigai journey, and a host of other fun applications.
Check it all out in the episode, Asking Good Questions
Final Thoughts
The idea of seasons keeps coming up for me this week. As I shared earlier, a season of my life is ending, and a new one is beginning.
Literal seasons are changing as we go deeper into August. It is amazing how, here in Wisconsin, it is like a switch gets flipped.
As August ends and September begins, overnight temperatures drop, leaves start to change, and fall begins.
Today I’m enjoying some of the last of the fresh sweet corn from a nearby farm.
Maybe we will also have some Monday, the last day the grandkids will be with us. They love sweetcorn as much as their grandpa does.
🌀Quest well
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As a non-paying subscriber, I really do appreciate your posts David. Your insights about life and Ikigai are wise and your post formatting is beautiful and user friendly. So many lessons.
I did have to slow down on paying subscriptions though, I had almost 20 and realized there was no way I could have all those auto-renew this year - no budget for that.
I can relate to your description of the state of "in between" (Asmara has a good word for that which I can't recall at the moment). September has always felt like new year beginnings for me, and this year, August was a big one. Melancholy over my son leaving for college, while at the same time experiencing grateful joy because of the challenging new work he will be able to sink his teeth into on his own terms.
I also love your introduction to the word "hiraeth", David.