Quondam
Letting go of what once was for a brighter next.
🌱 "When one door closes another door opens; but we so often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door, that we do not see the ones which open for us."
Alexander Graham Bell
audio narration by David Marlow
Definition.
quondam (adj)
meaning one-time, former, having been formerly
as a noun meaning the former as in champion or office holder
Originating from Latin to referring to having been, former as in-state of or to the person who is former or once held. Who we used to be…an ending.
Risk
Our achievements, accomplishments, and successes become a part of our identity, shaping how we perceive ourselves.
While perfectly natural to take pride in these past glories, there are risks with clinging too tightly to them.
When defined by our past achievements, we may feel that we have reached the pinnacle of our potential, leaving little room for growth or improvement.
If those accomplishments are something we can no longer do such as athletic or career achievements it can feel like we have little left to give.
When our identities become rigidly tied to a specific version of ourselves, it becomes challenging to adapt to life's changes and explore new aspects of our personality and potential.
We risk losing touch with our true selves and deeper purpose.
Opportunity🌀
Letting go of past glories frees us to embrace the present, opening the door to personal growth, resilience, and new possibilities.
Focusing on our purpose rather than some past image of ourselves allows us to align our future with our values leading to deeper fulfillment.
Purpose-based authenticity attracts like-minded individuals, fostering enriching relationships.
By shedding old identities, we become architects of our futures and embark on a more meaningful and fulfilling life.
Story
My career is one quondam experience after another. The most obvious is the most recent. After leading a storied company to globally recognized success in innovation and improvement I became a quondam (former) director of that same company.
My department was eliminated and with it my job and the jobs of many others.
The good news was my identity wasn’t wrapped up in my role. I knew my Ikigai and my value of living into the purpose for which I was placed here on this Earth.
This freed me from the burden of bitterness or anger as my identity was not tied to my status or what I had given to the company.
A friend was not so lucky. He was a senior vice president and had been with the company his entire career.
On an elevator ride together a day or so after we got the news I asked how he was doing.
“Not good,” was his immediate answer.
“Dave, I’ve been at this company my whole life. I don’t even know who I am right now.”
His role had become such a part of who he saw himself that when it was taken from him he was left adrift.
As for me, I took the opportunity to start a whole new life and career living out my Ikigai, writing, coaching, and consulting.
And spending more time with my grandkids!
Application.
Ikigai is experiencing your essence and purpose in whatever you do.
You are more than your career. You are more than your role even for important things like being a spouse or parent.
Career and roles are expressions of your purpose. Good thing they aren’t our purpose since they sometimes come and go.
By focusing on your purpose you aren’t held back by what you’ve ‘been’, good or bad.
You are free to explore new opportunities, greater depths of relationships, and a variety of experiences.
I’ve connected with my family in deeper and more meaningful ways that I couldn’t have imagined back in my corporate days.
I’ve done more creative work and impacted more lives in the past 4 years than I could have imagined.
All because I refused to hold on to the past definition of ‘me’ and lived into my purpose.
When things like that happen you become bitter or better. Having my Ikigai helped me choose the latter.
🌀Reflection.
🌱 How has my past journey shaped who I am today, and what valuable lessons have I learned along the way?
🌱 How much of my identity is tied to past achievements and titles, and am I willing to let go of those to explore my true self in the present?
🌱 What fears or insecurities arise when I consider moving beyond my past glories, and how can I address them to embrace new possibilities?
🌱 What are the core values and passions that define me at my deepest level, and how can I align my life with them more intentionally?
🌱 What steps can I take to explore a greater calling or purpose in life, one that goes beyond past achievements?
🌀 Remember: No matter what has come before, today is a fresh start. 🌱
Let’s make things a little bit better. 🌱
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This is a tremendously insightful and helpful piece David!
I did not experience quandom in the same way that you did. But I remember well similar conversations with our colleagues during those trying times as the one you described. The memories still tug at my heart.
My quandom passage from that organization and the corporate life came when the "opportunity" to retire was presented in a way where "no" was not a practical response, yet the timing did not align with my plans.
As often happens during our life journey; the passage was anticipated. The timing was not.
The Reflection questions you posed are very powerful. I feel energized living into my retirement with an attentiveness to my purpose and an openness to new opportunities. Thank you for your coaching and guidance along the way!
Great thoughts and insights! I may add another phrase> Amor fati is a Latin phrase that may be translated as "love of fate" or "love of one's fate”. It is used to describe an attitude in which one sees everything that happens in one's life, including suffering and loss, as good or, at the very least, necessary…