When Terrible is Okay

Passing 11,000 miles

A Run in the Fall by David Marlow ©2023

My lungs rebelled, tightening as if to say, “You’re kidding, right?” A light mist made the leaves slippery, and they slid beneath my feet.

Three days prior marked a month since lacing up my Kinvaras to go for a run.

Heading out on that first effort, the weather was pleasant, though the run, well, the run was not. Strained breaths and tight muscles made for a struggle. Only a month before the beginning of a run was easy and a joy.

With each foot strike, I sensed every bit of lost fitness. Dark thoughts and doubts crept in—a sense of loss and fear.

It is easy to despair as though all of the hard work up to now has been lost—perhaps the challenge to get it back is not worth the pain.

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Times like these are when I give myself permission to be terrible. Specifically, in this case, permission to have a terrible run.

Eliminating all expectations or attachments to how the run ‘should’ be, I permit myself to run and accept whatever happens.

The first run was terrible, and the next day, still terrible, though a little less so. The hard charger in me wanted to push and go again a third day in a row and shake free from the terrible altogether.

The experienced runner in me took a day to rest.

This brings us to today.

Day three of terrible running started like the previous two. Then, about a mile in, something changed. The rebellion in my lungs quieted, and ease returned to my stride. It was no longer terrible.

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Little did I realize even as the ‘terrible’ was fading, I was passing a milestone—11,000 miles since my running rebirth 13 years ago.

Many setbacks along the way have threatened to derail my running—the most recent being losing a month, which ended my quest for 1,000 miles in 2023.

Injury and illness have slowed, though not stopped my movement at times. I keep one thing in mind. As long as I continue to run, I remain a runner.

And I keep running by accepting and embracing each run as they come. Even the occasional ones that are terrible.

Following the Audio narration by David Marlow, there is a bonus audio Coffee Contemplation about the Kaizen practice of a ‘terrible’ version.