Coffee Contemplation: Two Questions
Seeing things as 'for' me rather than 'to' me.
Audio narration by David Marlow
Reflection techniques are like well-crafted tools in our personal development toolkit - we return to the best ones again and again because they consistently deliver results.
In today’s Coffee Contemplation, I'm sharing the Two Questions (TQ) technique, one of my most reliable tools for self-reflection. Whether you're discovering TQ for the first time or have used it before, its insights feel particularly relevant as we approach year-end. Let me walk you through this deceptively simple but profound practice.
The TQ technique unfolds over a week of daily reflection. At its heart lies a subtle but powerful shift in perspective: seeing life's challenges as happening ‘for’ us rather than ‘to’ us. Each day, you'll pause to consider:
What was my biggest test (trial, challenge, disappointment) today?
What lesson(s) am I supposed to learn from this?
Take time with these questions. Write down what surfaces. Sit with the insights that emerge. Then - and this is crucial - commit to acting on what you've learned.
🌀 Let me share a personal story that illustrates how this works:
A few years ago, I found myself caught in traffic after an accident blocked several lanes. My usual 45-minute drive home had stretched to 90 minutes.
Q: What was my biggest test (trial, challenge, disappointment) today?
Answer: Getting stuck in traffic, delaying my trip home.
By viewing this situation as something happening for me rather than to me, I opened myself to a deeper understanding.
Q: What lesson(s) am I supposed to learn from this?
My reflection: I realized I get impatient in traffic in general, especially when there are unexpected slowdowns. My impatience with traffic runs deep, and these events offered me a chance to practice patience with circumstances beyond my control.
As I sat with this further, I recognized my frustration stemmed from feeling like I was wasting time. This led me to explore ways to transform these periods through audiobooks, prayer, breathwork, and intentional relaxation. More profoundly, my resistance to long commutes invited me to reassess my entire work situation.
🌀The outcome: Following this reflection I made a number of changes including altering the time of my commute to avoid high traffic volumes, adding audiobooks, ultimately changing my job entirely, and working from home.
My stress level dropped dramatically, my energy level increased and I was more available for my family. Little did I know then how this simple practice of reframing my daily challenges would lead to such meaningful shifts in my life.
I invite you to try the Two Questions technique this week. Start today on Friday and we will revisit this next week on Friday again.
Quest well.
My nightly reflections usually focus on things I am grateful for, which are typically good things. This is an effective way to reframe incidents we would probably rather not recall. By looking at why this happened FOR me is just another way of demonstrating gratitude.