Ikigai Thought for Today: Recovering Perfectionionist
Perfection is a lie
Audio narration by David Marlow
I’ve shared this message before and it is worth repeating even if only so I hear it again.
An actual conversation at my house a few years ago between my wife and grandson ‘E’…
Grandma: Sure, glad Grandpa is perky in the morning
E: Grandpa is not perfect!
Grandma: I said Grandpa was perky, so he could play with you.
E: (with even more emphasis) Grandpa is NOT perfect!
‘E’ believed he was defending me, and in a way that he probably doesn't realize he was.
I'm not perfect, and I don't want to be, or at least I don't want to focus on being perfect.
As Anne Lamott said…
“Perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor, the enemy of the people. It will keep you cramped and insane your whole life, and it is the main obstacle between you and a shitty first draft.
I think perfectionism is based on the obsessive belief that if you run carefully enough, hitting each stepping-stone just right, you won't have to die.
The truth is that you will die anyway and that a lot of people who aren't even looking at their feet are going to do a whole lot better than you and have a lot more fun while they're doing it.”
I often say I'm a recovering perfectionist.
Life doesn’t have to be perfect to be wonderful.
Perfection is not possible, though ‘E’ is pretty close as are all my grandchildren.
My journey from perfectionism began by reading The 80/20 Principle by Richard Koch.
Applying the lessons of 80/20 fundamentally changed my life.
In part because it helped me realize my perfectionist tendency and proved to me how little value there was in such an approach.
Very little of what we do brings us the majority of our results. Focusing on those few things is better than trying to make everything perfect.
If you are struggling with making everything perfect or waiting to take action until everything is just right, study the 80/20 principle in depth.
It will make a difference for you.
There are few things of value; focus on those things, grow those things, and make those things better.
And yes, I know I misspelled perfectionist in the title. It is part of my recovery program to let it go.
Quest well
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Oh I haven't heard other people calling themselves a recovering perfectionist like myself! Same here. It takes work, including exposure therapy (like with your title), to keep letting go of it.
I enjoyed this piece and your own reflection shared in it. I wouldn't call myself a perfectionist because I still make mistakes. But sometimes I fear trying anew. I'd love to hear what you suggest in that case.