Marlow's Musings 6/29/25
Insights, adventures and fun stuff from this week.
Audio narration by David Marlow
In this week's Coffee Contemplation, I shared the blessing I gave at my daughter's wedding:
“Bread for a day, wine for a year, wife for a lifetime”
That blessing represents different rhythms of life: daily sustenance, moments of celebration, and enduring love. It reminded me why I wrote so extensively about choosing harmony over balance in my book, The Ikigai Way.
People talk constantly about work-life balance, as if work and life are separate buckets requiring equal allocation. But that's not how life actually works.
My wife and I celebrated 43 years of marriage this week. She stayed home with our children and supported my career by handling countless things beyond home and family. Some seasons work demanded more, other seasons, like when our son had brain surgery, the kids needed everything.
As with any example I use, that is how it worked for us. Similar to enjoying espresso, running, playing with my grandkids…those are expressions of my Ikigai and are meant as examples on approaches, not necessarily what expression would work best for you.
What made it work for us wasn't balance—it was harmony.
In defining Ikigai, I chose harmony over balance because balance implies equality—50/50 splits that turn life into time management. Harmony means fitting together.
In music, harmony works because different notes blend at the right moments. Life's the same way. Sometimes work takes the lead, sometimes family. The magic isn't in equal time—it's in how the parts create something that works.
Living in harmony means aligning what you enjoy with what you do. Balance is constant work and struggle to maintain equilibrium.
Look for opportunities to bring harmony into your day.
The best book is the one you can't put down.
The best workout is the one you actually want to do.
The best healthy food is the one you find delicious.
The best work feels more like play.
Ikigai should be easy. If it takes constant effort, it's probably not your Ikigai.
Word of the Week
Congruity (n.)
/kənˈɡruːɪti/
1: The quality or state of agreeing, coinciding, or being congruent
2: A point of agreement; compatibility
From Latin congruere, meaning "to come together, agree, correspond." Unlike balance, which implies equal weight, congruity suggests things fitting together naturally—like pieces of a puzzle that belong together, creating something greater than their individual parts.
In case you missed it…
This week’s Ikigai Thoughts for Today…
The first…Our Real Journey
For twenty years, I pondered this question…What would you do if you were done?
It wasn’t until I was done, at least with my corporate career, that I found my answer.
And the second…Losing my Zen
Revisiting a humorous moment of frustration when I wasn’t practicing being present, calm, or any of the things I teach.
Ikiquest+
This week’s Coffee Contemplation…Blessings
This is another unscripted and unrehearsed reflection. Even though the recovering perfectionist in me would like to re-record this, many of you tell me these imperfect and real-time reflections are the most impactful. I hope this one is a blessing.
Ikiquest+ subscribers can always listen to the audio narration or read the transcription. This week, I opened up the contemplation to everyone to explore Ikiquest+.
If you aren’t yet an Ikiquest+ Subscriber, you can give it a try for free by clicking the box here. The choice is yours.
Comment of the Week:
This week’s comment is from Bernadette in response to Losing my Zen…
“This reminds me of a time when I was a kid, and my siblings and I were driving mum a bit crazy about what to name our newly acquired puppy. She must have been really grumpy that day. She said “ You can call him Bloody Tarzan, for all I care.”. So we did. For two days we went around calling him ”bloody Tarzan”, to our neighbours ‘ amusement, until our dad wisely suggested to shorten it to Tarzan. So Tarzan he remained.”
Somewhere, there is a gold Lexus RX350 with an audio device named…well, you have to read the article to know, but it is close to Bloody Tarzan.
Quote I’m Pondering
This thought is from Shunryu Suzuki1…
“If you understand one thing through and through, you understand everything. If you try to understand everything, you will not understand anything.”
We get caught up in trying to figure everything out all at once and end up not understanding anything. The best way is to start small, understand something about yourself, and this will lead you to understanding everything.
Final Thoughts:
I find it no small irony that my book has been at the top of Work/Life Balance listing on Amazon when I have an entire chapter refuting the idea of work/life balance.
Maybe that's how change happens. Like Essence, Purpose, and Harmony, instead of the Venn Garden, we replace one limiting thought with a better one rather than simply declaring the thought wrong. Perhaps people seeking “balance” will find the book and discover the greater truth of harmony.
As Buckminster Fuller noted: “You never change things by fighting the existing reality. To change something, build a new model that makes the existing model obsolete.”
Our daily needs, seasonal joy, enduring love. Different rhythms that fit together naturally. That is Ikigai.
Quest well!
Suzuki, S. (1970). Zen mind, beginner’s mind (T. Dixon, Ed.). Weatherhill. (p. 44)
Happy anniversary to you and your beautiful bride!!
I played several instruments as a kid and do appreciate harmony, when the proper notes, instruments, and timing come together--not always in equal parts.
My chemistry and engineering classes have taught me to view balance in a different way, or at least that's what I've taken away from them. It's not always equal parts that lead to equilibrium, but specific circumstances.
While the atoms cannot be created or destroyed and do equal each other, the unique parts, or ratios of each are different, that is you need twice as much hydrogen as oxygen to get water other wise equal parts of hydrogen and oxygen give you hydrogen peroxide. Same in engineering. A balance point isn't always 50/50.
It's a good day, a good Sunday as I've gotten up before everyone else and been able to enjoy listening to you and your wisdom and experiences that have lead to that wisdom. Work-life balance needs to be redefined and you and your book may just be the way as evidenced by being at the too of that category.
Have an amazing week!! ☕️😁👍
I love the distinction between harmony and balance! That is something I can work with, thanks